Depending on their age and ability to cope, children and teens should understand and be involved in the proceedings. As such, it is essential to talk to them about cancer. That way, children will know that their families are willing to provide support and that they can expect them to be honest and candid with them. Children need to be encouraged to speak about their feelings. Some parents who decided not to share the truth with their children later regretted their decision.
Why inform your children about the cancer?
When families decide not to share news of a cancer diagnosis, it is possible that children may still catch on the underlying stress and cancer in the family. As such, they may suspect that something important is not being revealed to them. To get information, children may try to listen to conversations happening between family members. Or it is possible that they may only hear bits and pieces, or specific things that were not meant to hear. Even when they may not be able to understand what exactly is being discussed, they may just feel that something has gone wrong.
Most children usually perceive the world as it relates to them. It is very common for children to start believing that it was something they said or did has resulted in the cancer. Always remember this and make sure you talk about it when your child gets to know about cancer diagnosis in a loved one.
In most cases, cancer is not something that children have experienced or are able to understand. There is a tendency among children to make broad generalizations and understand only concrete information. Children may not understand that there are several different kinds of cancer, that every individual’s cancer is different, and that development of cancer does not imply that the person will die soon. Children may get ideas and information from other children and possibly from what they see in their everyday life, including things that they see on television. When the right information is not available, children may use their imagination to fill the gaps. In many cases, what children imagine is actually much worse than reality.
How to inform your children about cancer diagnosis
When diagnosed with cancer, people usually find it difficult to decide about what to tell their children. How much the child needs to know and how much they can handle depends on their age and maturity level. You need to pass on information to your child in small amounts at a time, and in simple words that they can understand easily. After this, give them enough time to accept the facts and encourage them to ask questions. See if they are unable to understand certain words or are scared of them. You need to patiently listen to their concerns. Encourage them to openly express their feelings and provide them the reassurance of your love. It is usually easier for children to express their feelings through specific activities, for instance painting or puppets. Older children may want to draw pictures or write poetry.
What exactly to tell about cancer
Adults can inform children about the developments in just a couple of sentences. “I was told by my doctor that I am sick with development of cancer. Doctors will try their best to help me recover. I will have to visit the doctor frequently and receive special medication, so it may not be possible for me to spend much time with you. There may be times when I might feel very unwell and am unable to do certain things such as playing with you, but I will still be here. You need to understand that I love you so much.” If the individual is feeling uncomfortable about informing the child about the cancer diagnosis, a close friend or relative can be asked to convey the news. This usually depends on the relationship that the cancer patient shares with the child (for instance parent, aunt or grandparent).
Live life normally
There are many reasons as to why children might face problems when coping up with cancer diagnosis in a parent or another member of the family. The patient may be receiving treatment at a place far away from home, or it is also possible that they may be recovering at home and feel uncomfortable or look awkward. Children may also be told to help out more or display their best behavior, especially when individuals other than their parents may be involved in providing care. It is possible that children may question or even dislike any loss of attention.
If family members or friends offer to help, asking them to take your children to school or for some other activities will help a great deal, especially when you are unable to do so. Doing so will help maintain normalcy in the day-to-day routines of your child.
The focus of younger children may be on death. Older children with a growing sense of being independent need to cope up with the changes occurring in their life, and also prepare themselves for potential long-term separation or may be even death of their loved one.
While it is essential to try and maintain normalcy in the daily routines and lifestyle of children, they also need to be given the chance to function as part a family, one that is coping up with cancer. Certain questions may be put forth by children such as the site of administering treatment and potential changes that they may notice in the cancer patient.
Many children try to behave like adults in an attempt to make life easier for their parents. A support group meant for children may provide them the right platform to express their frustrations. Good resources that can provide you information about support groups functioning in your area include nurses, hospital social workers, psychologists, school counselors and clergy members.
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